‘I realize I’m 27 with no interest in getting married (at the moment), but I want to marry eventually. It may not be the best for me to wait till I feel like it before stepping out, but I guess not with someone who’s ready now.’
That’s my friend’s stance on relationship, and I agree with him. It is common for guys (that are of age) to feel unready for marriage, but I don’t think that should discourage them from entering into relationships. While you may not know your partner enough in courtship, no matter how long, healthy friendship can be developed and strengthened during this period.
But every lady now talks about time wasters. And by time wasters they mean guys who are up for ‘friendship now, marriage later.’ But do I blame them? Who wants undefined friendships? As the saying goes, ‘once beaten, twice shy.’ Our ladies have been fooled. They have entrusted their heart to fools and have been crushed. They have tried to heal, but are left scared. They have learned from the mistakes of their past, though, and now guard their hearts with militaristic vehemence. Their wisdom they swore to pass down generations and will never give their hearts without the commitment of marriage again. No! They aren’t fools!
In the wake of every burning love lies ashes of indifference.
However, as a guy, I’ve learnt that love and marriage are not synonymous. Love makes relationship work, but not marriage. You decide for marriage, and until you are ready, it’s not just going to happen to you. I strongly feel that when you are ready, the decision to get married should be executed on a relationship built on love, not one propelled by the will to get married.
Now, I think the best fit is someone who wants to be with you, marriage or no marriage; someone who wants to marry you even when you are terminally ill and death beckons. Someone that will say, ‘If all that is left is just one more night, I will spend it with my head on your chest listening to the harmony of our heartbeats, of a love that has become unexplainable and sacred.’ But that’s hard to find.
I’m of the opinion that if the drive for love is to be married, then it’s selfish. Marriage should be a selfless union, of mutual affection, a blessing shared by the couple.
Now let’s contrast two sentences:
‘I love you, so let’s get married;’ and
‘I need to get married, so I love you.’
Who wants the second? I, for one, will give my heart to the love that will marry the broken and beaten me, the love that has seen me at my worst and will still deal, just one more night, if that’s all we’ve got.
To the ladies who love me, to the ladies who have heard of hurts, to my ladies who have been hurt… You all deserve to love without the pressure of marriage. You all deserve to bask in the sun of pure friendship. And you all deserve to be married, when you are ready!